Katia: Practice

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Jul 232011
 

Donald wrote:
I’m just wondering why you would rip off the necklace as opposed to just taking it off calmly without snapping the chain?

You didn’t break the chain, the necklace has a Drama Clasp! It’s a special kind of clasp that comes undone when you dramatically yank on it.

You used to have some outfits that incorporated them. You’d rather not go into any details on that.

Right now, it’s time for magic.


FredMSloniker wrote:
your job is to focus on [the fire] and learn how to create it without the cat puns.


TheFinalWraith wrote:
Hmm. I’m trying to figure out what your mindset should be Katia, and I think I’ve figured it out. Remember that feeling you had when you prayed at the Alter of the Nine? That heartfelt, earnest, hopefulness?
If possible I want you to try and rekindle that feeling, though instead of directing it outwards towards the Aedra, direct it inwards to ignite the magic that dwells within your soul.

And if anything, the fact that you’ve never done this before is a good thing, because it means it’s something you’ve never failed at. That Khajiiti girl in Hammerfell was empty inside, but now you’re full of Magicka.
You can do something that girl never could, something you can only do as Katia Managan.

So don’t be afraid, don’t be held back by self-doubt and self-loathing.

Just close your eyes,
take a deep breath,
and fan the flames that burn in your heart.


Yeah, you’re going to approach this proper, like a wizard.

You close your eyes and clear your mind, reaching deep within your soul for that spark of magic. You can’t feel it, but you know it’s there. You’ve seen it with your own eyes – or at least its effects. You have a fire in you, begging for release. For the first time in your life, something you’ve always wanted is within your grasp. Something they said you could never do.

It’s time for you to be the mage you always knew you were.


GreenFrog wrote:
take a deep breath in

still your thoughts and worries

breath out

there is nothing else in the world but you and the apple, no grass, no sky, no rock, no Asotil, no Kvatch, no Khajiit slut back in Hammerfall, and no king. Just Katia Managan and one criminal apple

breath in

feel the magicka in your blood and the fire in your heart, grip your determination to make yourself better and the knowledge that you are a mage

breath out…


Yes! You feel the magicka floating through the air around you, flowing through your veins, twisting through your fingers. It’s a part of you now. It’s what makes you more than just a trashy, homeless Khajiit. You just have to focus it…

You concentrate on the apples. They are right in front of you. You imagine the energies converging before you into a fiery inferno. Clinging to that mental image, you channel all your hope and energy into the thoughts of flame and open your eyes –

– and manage to accomplish absolutely nothing, other than look incredibly silly.

I mean, you weren’t expecting to master this on your first try, but you were hoping it’d at least do something. Especially after believing in yourself that hard. You even clicked your darkvision on and off for effect.

Welp, looks like it’s time for plan B: think up horrific, emotionally distressing, racist cat burns and see if you can control the fires they start.


MysteryJack wrote:
>There is no claws for alarm! The cat is out of the bag!


Plagorath wrote:
Setting things on fire sure looks appleling.


doppletheganger wrote:
Katia you are a CATalyst of pure firey PAWer, but don’t let your head get too HOT with PAWer or you might cause a CATastrophe and ruin the PURRfect chance to get a teammate!


Metaflare wrote:
>Cast a spell that could make an archmage catatonic

>You better hope this isn’t a catastrophe

>I hope you’re feeling feline

>Hopefully you won’t give the man a catcussion


These aren’t even burns!

They are just horrible, horrible puns. In fact most of these just involve the word “catastrophe” with the first syllable emphasized. You hate yourself a little bit more for even coming up with them.

You rack your brain for something workable. This could take a while.


Tallath wrote:
Asotil: Ponder why you were carrying around items from the Dark Brotherhood this early in the morning.

You are now the Imperial Legion Soldier.

You have had a very busy night. Crime never sleeps, and therefore neither can an Imperial Legion Patrolman. Instead of sleep, you simply blink more often.

On your late-night patrol route around the city you spotted a man in full Dark Brotherhood regalia stalking around with what was no doubt Incredibly Dark Motives. As per your duty as a Soldier of the Imperial Legion, you apprehended the criminal before he could do harm to any of the Just and Noble Citizens Who Populate This Fine Country.

Afterwards, a full report of your actions was delivered to the proper authorities.


ViniVidiVici wrote:
YOU are Katia Fucking Mannagan, and THOSE APPLES ARE GOING DOWN.

You are now Katia Fucking Managan again.

And for the first time in your life, you’ve been actually trying to come up with hurtful cat burns. You think you’ve almost got something workable now. It’s not great, but you can kind of feel it twanging at your heartstrings. Hopefully it’ll do the trick.

You concentrate on the apples. Apples, fire. Apples, fire. Apples… fire.

Let’s go.


Healy wrote:
You need to figure out how deeply you need to be scratched to make use of the sick burns. So get the ‘nip out from your nostrils and make those damn apples your new scratching posts instead of thinking of new positions to laze about in sunbeams.

Well, that half-worked. Asotil puts out your fire before it can do any horrific unintended damages.

You apologize for the mistake, but he says not to worry, Citizen. The fire was apprehended before it could commit any Heinous Crimes. Mistakes are just a part of learning. You don’t become an Expert At Bandit Extermination without accidentally offing a few farmers, for instance.

Oh, you say. Makes sense.

So it looks like you’ve got the basics of fire-making down. You just need to figure out some way to direct it…

>

  • Anon44

    ARGH!

    I thought we had it.

  • Soadreqm

    The panels of Katia staring at the apples are totally worth the two weeks of waiting. šŸ™‚

  • What

    He punched and damaged a wall owned by somebody else. That is vandalism. Vandalism is illegal. He should kill himself.

    And deliver himself to the Countess.

    • d2r123

      ^
      ^
      That would make her day.

      • Anon

        Mine too.

        • dtlux14

          Yes please šŸ˜€ But really, no, he is best character (besides Katia)

  • liquidDinosaur

    ^ He can always pay a fine. Or put himself in jail.
    Cops usually don’t do well in jail, but like Rorschach, I think he might be just batshit crazy enough that he’ll be left alone.

  • .

    A way to hide the suggestions would be nice if it’s not to much effort. Personally I prefer to read it like a webcomic.

    • corvidCynic

      Except, y’know, Katia tends to actually interact with the suggestions. Hell, she does it here.

      • Kazerad

        Yeah, it’s mostly a logistical problem. When I started having her interacting directly with commands without necessarily restating them, the quotes became an important part that was harder to remove. Hopefully it’s enough that they are pretty easy to scroll past.

        • MentallyUnstable

          Im glad you left them. It reminds me of Deadpool.

      • manarim

        I really think it’s a good storytelling element. I like it a lot. Isn’t it nicer to read something that uses digital formats to tell stories in novel ways, rather than just imitating old media?

  • NuVanDibe

    You got the basics down? I don’t think so. You’ve got a suitable workaround, though. Most mages use their hands to direct the flow of their magic. Not sure how they do, though. Touching objects you try to burn may be easier than trying to burn them from a distance. Baby steps, Katia!

    • Anon

      I just watched that. Like, right now.

  • Test Pattern

    Pretend the apples are pineapples and yoyos. This should generate a sufficient amount of shame and anger.

  • evercharmer

    Ran across this about two weeks ago. This is probably the best thing to spawn from MSPA.

  • Galeus708

    Just to clear things up here, suggestions are for the forums, and general comments are for here?

    • Kazerad

      Yeah. I’m trying to divide it up like that, anyway.

  • Christian Walde

    Please put a link to the entry at the top of the entry as well, so i don’t have to scroll over the entire entry to load the page when looking at it in my rss read, since the layout is kinda broken in rss.

  • Crumplehat

    You are no doubt reading this as a handsome and strapping young webcomic artist with a brand new site! Why, the salamangrit needed to put up this site is itself a sign of your maturity, not even to speak of the wisdom needed to grasp the nuance of webmastering mischief. I am so proud of you, Kazerad!

    Love,
    Crumplehat

    • Zerp

      Uhm, for the record, I think maybe Kazerad is actually a she? I think I saw that mentioned somewhere… so maybe mangrit isn’t the best metaphor? Iunno…

  • mpuone

    Pretend its the apples who are say those horrible cat puns. Channel all your anger at them… could work.

  • epoxy

    Imagine: The center apple is Gharug Gro-Upp robbing you blind. The two apples on the left are the racist gay elves laughing at you for being such a chump. The two on the right are… uh… that waiter who brought you a bowl of milk, and… um… the imp who tried to kill you. Use your imagination to paint their faces on the apples.

    These people (or imps) surely deserve a mild roasting, right? So let them have it!

  • PlagueRat

    Pretend the apple is a PineApple. A dirty pineapple that wants you to do dirty things with it. Dirty things in public, things that make you ruin your reputation. The dirty pineapple is going to get you unless you stop it!

    • Zefiren

      This. This so much xD

    • Yes yes yes.

  • Kazerad

    Just a reminder: I’m still only using commands given in the forum thread! This is an attempt to lighten my workload by automatically separating comments from commands.

    • FDJustin

      Hah. This comment wasn’t here when I wrote the command up, either. Make me look the fool :p

    • mpuone

      Right… but since this is all new, could you make and exception?

    • PlagueRat

      I signed up a week ago on the MSPA forums but I am still waiting for the activation email >.<

      that's why i made my command here in the meantime, sorry.

  • FDJustin

    Hey, stop treating the apples like apples. Instead, activate crazy mode imagine them as the horrible, incredibly flammable villains they are! If you can’t set them on fire, they’re going to take all your valuables! (and non-valuables, like that letter.)
    After that, they’ll give you alcohol out of pity for your crying. You know what’ll happen next, right? You’ll wake up at Quill-Weave’s to a strange mess, shame in knowing you failed her again. You would go to apologize, only to discover they killed her and took all her stuff.

    But you have the power to stop this before it happens! Meow-mix up some epic music, because it’s time for Katia Managan to be the hero!

    • Knowing Katia… that might make her afraid of the apples. ._.

      • FDJustin

        It’d make me pretty afraid of the apples, too.

  • Adept Omega

    I’ve been meaning to ask this for a while, but do you do art professionally? You’re really, really good at this.

  • Shadow of the Lotus

    Looking good Kazerad; site is pretty spiffy. I’m looking forward tostory and hope you have fun continue reading this with writing it.

    • Shadow of the Lotus

      Heh, wow. That sure messed up somehow. I must have accidentally highlighted and moved some text I think.

      “Looking good Kazerad; site is pretty spiffy. Iā€™m looking forward to continue reading this story and I hope you have fun writing it.”

  • spiral

    >Katia: Imagine the apples being the gay elves making cat jokes at you

  • Ironmane

    The apples and the guard are now in their underwear.

    There, now you can focus.

  • Hey Kaz, love the comic, and the new site.

    As for your problem of people posting suggestions here, perhaps there is a way to add a block of text just above the comment block that tells people PLEASE ONLY POST SUGGESTIONS HERE: *Link*…?

    Anyway, gahhh, can’t wait for the next update.

    • Kazerad

      Thanks! And yeah, I’ll try to edit in a blurb about comments/commands. It shouldn’t be too hard.

  • Kino

    You can solve any problem by punching it! šŸ˜€

  • justme

    oops. I got confused, and left a comment in the new thread, then tried to submit a command here. I’ll fix it.

  • SneezyCampfire

    dat favicon.

  • KhanCake

    At least you’re a good jumpurr.

  • Fion

    You should make more silly faces at the apples.

  • Skelatox

    Congratulations on the new site sKazer! Looks nice and spiffy, also, sometimes fires are criminals.

  • Scizor300

    Assume the apples are the ones who are burning you with the cat jokes.

  • Haaa… I just realized that the icon for the site is a pineapple. >.>;

  • mpuone

    Quick question: How much time before another story update? Well generally, whats the average time between updates?

    • Kazerad

      Irregular, but it’s usually 1-3 days (or less). If you flip through the older posts, I preserved their original posting dates to give an idea of the speed. This two-week stall while I set up the site isn’t common.

  • Legends12

    it looks like i joined the PREnominon at just the right time…
    i started reading three days ago, and fell in love by the first post.
    congratz on the NEW SITE!!

  • justme

    HAHAHA! Asotil is a BAMF! I love the panel where he’s dumped the dark brotherhood dude’s body in the countess’ bedroom. So awesome, I laughed out loud for a good ten minutes.

    Maybe Katia needs to clear her fourth chakra, and direct her chi energy outward toward the apples while using forms derived from shaolin kung fu. Oh wait, I was thinking of fire-bending from Avatar. My bad. Don’t know how to help ya, Kat (can I call you Kat?)

  • Fisheystix

    Katia: Reach deep within the claw-torn recesses of your desperate psyche and summon forth that distant flame, burning in the heart of the earth. So long has shadow followed at your heels, failure clinging to the hem of your robe like a hungry dog. Just as the sun is a creature born of light, so you are a creature born of failure- and as the light of the glorious sun is reflected beautifully in the visage of the moon, so shall the visceral countenance of your awful life be reflected in the fiery passion with which you wreathe these petty tree-fruits. Ensnare them in fire, erupt in that deep-seeded felinic rage that has dwelt so quietly under your pelt- let whatever petty god that spit in the face of your new name weep with repentant joy at the horror you now wield with utter impunity. Fire is now your weapon, your sword, and with it, you will cut a swath so deep, so wide, that the blood seeping into it will ring a red river of sorrow throughout this pathetic hovel of a kingdom. Those dark mercies are yours to command, now. Pull them from your heart, as you would draw a dagger. The FLAMES OF REGICIDE.

    Or at least do something before the guard considers this a *cat*astrophe.

  • Lexavian

    “Afterwards, a full report of your actions was delivered to the proper authorities.”
    Oh my lord THAT is what he has been doing? Hahahaha, that cracked me up so hard.
    Awesome as always Kaz.

  • Horse

    New reader +1!

    I’m enjoying the story so far! I’m jealous of your ability to use simple shapes to create expressive characters! I started reading in June and I’ve been reading it in my spare time.

    So, question. How long do you think this adventure will last, Kaz? I just caught up today, and I was sad that it wasn’t done. I don’t like to read things that aren’t done. It’s not your fault; I just have a personal issue with things that don’t have endings for some reason. šŸ™

  • Crumplehat
  • Thatoneguywiththething

    just noticed the website icon is a pineapple

    you are a glorious bastard

  • leviadragon99

    So it seems you’re stuck with the cat burns as a psychological trigger at this stage, unfortunate… and it seems you’ll have to come up with pretty clever ones to reliably bring it forth, in that case, targetting rather than power is the top priority, perhaps try to visualise the bandit itself as the one responsible for the cat burn, or perhaps keep it’s relative position to you in mind when casting, maybe imagine things from a top-down perspective and see if it helps.

  • Kobold

    Okay. Okay. Okay. I got this.

    There are two types of wizards. First of all, there’s the type that learn their spells through careful and methodical study, applying both their exceptional intellects and academic grace to slowly turn themselves into masters of their own reality and all things beyond. You are not that type of wizard.

    The other type flips out and kills shit with the power of raw emotion burning everything in their path.

    Your powers are realized whenever you hear horrible, racist cat burns. Those burns then awaken feelings inside of you that go on to manifest themselves as crazy fire that burns things. Now, if I know anything about powers based on emotion, it’s that you’ll want the most powerful feelings you can get. The two most powerful emotions, clearly, are love and hate.
    So the next time you think up a racist cat burn, I want you to look at those apples and imagine them as something you really hate. Put all your hatred into those apples. Those apples are bad apples. Those apples said mean and hurtful things about you. They deserve to burn and you will cleanse them with your fire!

    Alternatively your powers are focused by love and you are doomed to forever destroy that which you love. In which case you should imagine them as something you love.

    Like milk. You like milk, don’t you kitty? Does kitty want some milk? Does kitty want to maybe chase a little mousey and then drink some milk? Huh?

    • sweetemotion

      ctrl + V

      Ctrl + C into the forum thread. He’s not taking suggestions here

      I approve of this!

      • sweetemotion

        uhh reverse that

        Ctrl + V into the thread..uhh
        YOU GET IT. COPY PASTA

      • Sweet Bro

        no you dumb homo tool YOUR SHORTCUTING WRONG

  • masonthekiller

    Think back to the times when you used to make fire balls. This time, however, instead of spitting alcohol into a lit candle, you’re igniting magika from your fingertips.

  • Hazzardous

    I dislike making cat jokes at Kat’s expense…but I think I got one…

    “Come on…that’s it? Stop being a pussy…Kat”

  • JimmyGalt

    Maybe a running start would help. Try running at the apples flailing your arms wildly while screaming at them.

  • Aznz888

    Maybe your current levels of magicka are lower than you thought? Perhaps your ability to start sick fires increases exponentially(and therefore more randomly) when your levels are much higher; there”fur”, a weak pun like that would set something ablaze.

    Or maybe you’re just NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH.

  • Vdrake

    Convince yourself that the apples are both horrible and racist themselves. Better yet: Those apples are your orc ‘friend’. They have used and abused you: Make them pay. Make them pay SO HARD.

    You could be a nice person with evil magic. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. Plenty of virgin sacrifices just lying around. Maybe not so much in the cities. Or anywhere pineapples are sold.

    Also, baked apples are awesome. Do it right and you have a snack on the way.

  • Link

    Yay the website is up and running =D

    Must say I LOVED the “full report delivered to the proper authorities” xD
    I wonder why the countess dislike him so much =D

  • Suraru

    yay +1 reader, i started reading a week or two ago, got all caught up, just in time for the website (so i dont have to register in the forums to praise you) šŸ˜€

    great job dude, keep drawing!

  • bobert Freewoman

    Apple: Spontaneosly combust so Katia can ee good about herself.

  • Daniel Brown

    You can direct the fire at the apples by directing, perhaps, your annoyance, anger, or frustration at them! They’re the ones making that terrible cat-pun nonsense! They have a specifically directed hatred for you! Punish them! Cook them! Make them rue the day when they ever crossed Katia Fucking Managan!

    Then enjoy a tasty delicious roasted-apple treat as an award for your accomplishment. Maybe that should be your goal here. You’ll get a nice roasted apple for your efforts. That’s a nice reward, isn’t it?

  • Suraru

    cough cough
    http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread.php?40825
    suggestions go here
    cough cough

  • Stoic
  • Poopsy

    the countess panel was well worth the wait, everything else was just gravy.

  • Guile

    I choose to believe Katia’s drama clasp clothing was in case of sudden pool parties. Or perhaps she used to be a superhero and needed a quick costume change.

    Well, I guess she’s more the bumbling sidekick type. The cutest and most inept sidekick ever.

  • Rarborman

    Ja’khajiit, I spend a imaginary week wrestling a horribly adorable non-corporeal dragon in grueling blood-spilling work just so you can makes some fires, and this is all you have to show for it? I am very sad now… If you want me I’ll be drinking with the dragon, you can join if you like not that it’d accomplish anything… but your probably use to that.

  • Flint

    Maybe if you imagine a person making the cat jokes at you, fire will pop up in the made up persons general direction.

  • Asalis

    Imagine the apples are making the cat burn comments directed at you and they now need to be burned, in the literal sense.

    • Asalis

      Apple 1: Here Kitty kitty! Got a nice stuffed mousey for ya! HA HA!

      Apple 2: Does the wee widdle kitty want some cat-nip? Too bad, so sad!

      Apple 4: Go find a scratching post somewhere!

      Apple 5: Good thing he put that fire out. That would have been a Cat-tastrophy! Your aim SUCKS!

      Apple 3: I’M A POISON APPLE *HONK!* *HONK!*

  • Suraru

    http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread.php?40825
    suggestions go here, i like it though

    btw, honk honk?

    • Suraru

      damn that was supposed to be a reply,
      kaz you need to add a delete button lol

      • Asalis

        my bad, sorry. x.x

        and I was trying to imply the poison apple isn’t exactly all there.

  • kylus

    how about a big cat yawn try breath fire. but dont cook your self.

  • OVERLORD

    Since you can’t combust the apples by aiming at them, aim where you just started that fire, then aim wherever that one results, and so on! Surely you will hit the apples eventually!

    Or Asotil, which would be problematic.

  • matty406

    lol’d at the dead assassin.

  • FreeGlass

    …No chance you could get sum commands from here too?

  • Amazing

    I’ve never laughed so hard in my life when I read the soldiers parts. Best page so far.

  • dow

    And boy can those farmers scream.

  • TechUnadept

    Asotil’s right arm came back from patrol!
    Also, maybe she should try aiming with her tail rather than her fingers?

  • KerriKat

    “You have had a very busy night. Crime never sleeps, and therefore neither can a Imperial Legion Patrolman. Instead of sleep, you simply blink more often.”

    Should be “an.”

    I’m a new reader and I love this so much. <3

    • Kazerad

      Woah, how long as that typo slipped under the radar? Fixed!

      And thanks!

  • Sara

    To the creator, I would just like to say, I really like your comic and your drawing/story telling. Keep up the good work and I really hope I’m not even close to half way through all the comic yet. I hope it goes on forever. <3

  • Rodrigo

    Funny thing, Asotil looks like a cat, that brings his catches as a gift for his owner…

  • patrick

    “You have had a very busy night. Crime never sleeps, and therefore neither can an Imperial Legion Patrolman. Instead of sleep, you simply blink more often.”

    what dedication to justice.

  • eternity08

    I can’t believe it took me this long but, I just saw that ASOTIL didn’t even punch the flame to put it out. He punched the wall! The shear air generated from his punch put out the flame!

    • Dray

      Air can’t put out fires. That’s just silly.

      No that criminal flame was thwarted by the unrelenting fist of Justice!

  • Tech

    Countes: FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

  • Leo

    “Afterwards, a full report of your actions was delivered to the proper authorities.”

    I almost pee’d.

  • NeonDarkness

    This entire section cemented that guard as my favorite character in this entire story. He… HE JUST PUNCHED A GODDAMN FIRE OUT LIKE IT WAS NOTHING! He is kind, he lives for justice! Sure, he has made a few mistakes, but he was only trying to do good. I certainly do hope we see more of him later in the story. Sadly, no sign of him yet, but hey, who knows!

  • Amy

    I just realized the dead assassin is making the Ghost Trick pose. Coincidence? Probably yes.

  • Cam

    Sorry for late reply but should “Going to approach this proper”
    Be going to approach this properly?

    • Kazerad

      It’s supposed to be a little colloquial there. But thanks for keeping a proofreading eye out, I do appreciate it!

  • fatblackidd

    so, we can say Katia WAS a slut….

  • Dagda Mor

    Asotil is the best thing humanity has ever, ever come up with.
    “Instead of sleeping, you simply blink more often, and deliver criminals to the proper authorities.”

  • PersonPerson

    In their land… he is The Best Imperial Gaurd, FIRE PUNCHER!

  • Peter

    That man is a cat!
    He constantly brings his kills to his owner.

  • Priest22
  • SpinelessTEDDY

    Just a quick heads-up, but you spelled fiery as firey somewhere near the middle of the page. I believe you stated before on a previous page’s comment section that you’d like to fix your “typos.”Also, I can’t help but misread Katia fucking Managan as Katia fucking man again. My mind won’t let me read it any other way

    • Kazerad

      You read correctly, and I fixed it! Thanks!

      Sometimes I am apparently just so confident I know how to spell a simple word that I don’t notice the attractive red underline beneath it.

  • DK3

    man, that soldier is like a cat bringing dead mice to his owner… my favorite character šŸ˜€

  • dtlux14

    I AM SOLDIER!

  • Dragon

    Panel Three. I’m pretty sure that’s the most Badass anyone in the comic has been so far.

  • I just like the helpful information you provide in your articles