bluedraggy: Okay, the text is getting a bit much I know. But it's fun. Someone suggested doing a early 2000s Toyota Corolla. At first I thought, naw. It's not really ugly. Then it was pointed out that is the point. It's meh. The most meh car ever made. The term Aggressively Passive was coined, and I knew I had to do it. After hours of working on it straight (Covid has some advantages), I came up with a but more text. "I've done THINGS" has multiple meanings so I had to throw that in. But it wasn't till I was all done with all versions that I realized I know why Quill-Weave is upset. She's jealous!
Jig_Bigga: thank you for this series, i could’ve never imagined that two of my most treasured things in this universe, katia and cars, could ever come together so beautifully
also what the hell did quill expect when she gave KATIA of all people the order to, quote, “MAKE LOVE to the 2002 Toyota Corolla LE”
You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further. The 1999 Toyota Corolla. Let's talk about features.
Bluetooth: nope Sunroof: nope Fancy wheels: nope Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn.
Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End. You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up. This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.
Things this car is old enough to do: Vote: yes Consent to sex: yes Rent a car: it IS a car
This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would. Interesting facts: This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey. In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional." When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla"
You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey. Favorite food: spaghetti Favorite tv show: Alf Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills. When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine." Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
bluedraggy: HA! Best comment ever. Since I started doing these, I get more comments on the car than the cat - and I'm okay with that! I've struck a nerve. But then, pretty much everyone has a Car Story - and pretty much everyone has had a Corolla (twice myself). I should do a Honda Accord. :) Thanks Zargo. "The Fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla - It Runs."
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also what the hell did quill expect when she gave KATIA of all people the order to, quote, “MAKE LOVE to the 2002 Toyota Corolla LE”
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You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further. The 1999 Toyota Corolla. Let's talk about features.
Bluetooth: nope Sunroof: nope Fancy wheels: nope Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn.
Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End. You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up. This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.
Things this car is old enough to do: Vote: yes Consent to sex: yes Rent a car: it IS a car
This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would. Interesting facts: This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey. In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional." When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla"
You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey. Favorite food: spaghetti Favorite tv show: Alf Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills. When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine." Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
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I REMEMBERED IT
ALFA ROMEO RZ
((i remember wanting to suggest that car 3 days ago, but i forgot about which car I had thought of until this exact moment)